I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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