you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
