Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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