i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
