I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize