Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
