when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
