We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
