So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Found your dick twin last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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