I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
