I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
