i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
