i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
