She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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