i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
