I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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