PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
