Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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