perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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