You just made me feel so damn special
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
