He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize