There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
