please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i will never coherently bang her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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