Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
