well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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