Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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