I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
