I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
