I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
