I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
