need another drink. this is the easiest way
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
