I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found your dick twin last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
