Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize