Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
