it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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