omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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