My sheets look like a crime scene.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
