You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
