She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
