it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
