Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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