Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
