i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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