Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
