Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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