your parents love me but you hate me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
