You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
the raccoons are back...
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