just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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