I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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