Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
