so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
