Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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