why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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