john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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