guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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