omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
