Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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