You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
time to smoke my breakfast
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
