he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
