There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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