woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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