I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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