i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
