3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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