remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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