Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
