I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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