I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
