Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
