Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize