I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We got so high we made milksteak
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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