His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
