yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
