today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
These tits shall not be calmed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize